Memory, Trauma, ADHD, Autism.
My Brain doesn’t process thoughts and feelings very well. It struggles to separate things, gets them all tangled up and leaves me exhausted. Being able to express myself visually and creatively becomes a burning need. It brings a sense of relief from extreme emotions and physical sensations that I don’t always understand. It helps to unravel the coil in my belly and the burning in my mind.
The images within this series reflect the place in my mind where trauma and memory converge. it is the place within me that simultaneously experiences pain and peace. It combines multiple images from a near and distant past and the continuous blending and erosion of pixels until i arrive at the visual embodiment that is the confusion of my mind.
‘Come and Find Me’ was awarded a special distinction as a Jurors Pick in the Lensculture Art Photography Awards 2023 (Selected by juror, Crista Dix – Executive Director, Griffin Museum, USA).
The series was also selected as a finalist in Photolucida Critical Mass 2022 (USA) and awarded the Critical Mass Michael Riechmann Project Grant 2022
Lensculture Art Photography Awards 2023
My brain doesn’t hold memory,
Not much anyway.
What memory there is is fragmented,
Disjointed,
Something that I can’t quite touch
But leaves me feeling confused,
Frustrated and overwhelmed.
My brain doesn’t work in a linear fashion.
It shoots off into a million different points at once,
Stretching me thin and exhausted.
I see fragments of words spoken
And feel moments of deeds done.
They hold me down and hold me back.
Like a child I fold into myself,
Disorientated as to what is real and what is not.
Told to be good,
Be still,
Be silent.
This world is not for the likes of me.
I can try and negotiate but it makes no difference.
I am frustrated and frustrating,
Ask anyone.
I am not who they say I am.
I am not who you think I am.
I am no one and nothing.
I am everyone and everything.
So come and find me,
But only in the small moments when I want to be found.
I make no promise that I will be there.
Arrayah Loynd 