This series is a visual distillation of how I feel when I go into a dissociative state due to the impact of my medically induced PTSD and ASD intersecting. They are self-portraits that delve beneath the surface and into the vast, dark realms of my mind. Once there, I can no longer be found in the mirror of my eyes. I lie deeper than that, deeper than even I can reach.
I have had many medical interventions in my life and have been consumed by pain with only the briefest, sweetest exhalations of relief in between. Nine surgeries, organs removed, things sewn up. One thing ‘healed’ leads to two more things to deal with down the line. No one knows what is wrong with me, my body refusing to divulge its secrets, even to those with the greatest of expertise. The thought of receiving medical treatment quickens my heartbeat and restricts my breath. Memories from the past begin to surface and burn within my body, a painful reminder that they never truly left. It triggers an overwhelming sensory response that leaves my nervous system feeling agonisingly raw and exposed. And so my mind begins to shut down, dissociating to protect myself from what has been and what is yet to come. It isn’t voluntary, I just lose my grip on reality and am birthed into another place. But it isn’t a place. It is a nothingness, limitless, soundless and without time. Eight hours moves like one hundred, or like one, it is hard to tell when you have disappeared. I become no one and nothing and I never want to come back.
AWARDS:
LENSCULTURE – Winner, Emerging Talent Award 2023, International
WYNDHAM ART PRIZE – Winner, 2023, Australia
PHOTOLUCIDA CRITICAL MASS – Finalist 2023, USA
AUSTRALIAN PHOTOGRAPHY AWARDS – Shortlisted, Landscape Category 2023, Australia
HEADON AWARDS – Semi finalist Exposure Award 2023, Sydney, Australia
EXHIBITIONS/FESTIVALS:
LENSCULTURE EXHIBITION – Winners Exhibition, Caelun Gallery 2024, NY, USA
NOVA 24 PHOTO & FILM FESTIVAL – Promenade Gallery Group Exhibition 2024 Detroit MI, USA
SHUTTERHUB – Open Exhibition 2024 Cambridge UK
PUBLICATIONS:
PHOTOGRAPAHER’S COMPANION MAGAZINE – Feature article, Special edition – Photography as Therapy 2024, China
LOMOGRAPHY MAGAZINE;– Feature article covering entire catalogue of work
SEE-ZEEN MAGAZINE – A visual dialogue feature, 2023
FRAMES MAGAZINE – The Female Gaze by Diana Nicholette Jeon, 2023